I've spent most of the day cleaning and de-cluttering in effort to keep our nerves calm as we are interviewed and evaluated and the kiddos are met and written about.
No pressure, right? ;)
While I dusted and picked through broken books and toys they kiddos played incredibly well together. They pretended and chased and danced around the room. They ate bagels with nutella and read books and even helped a bit.
I just had a chat with my brother about the process and about what took us to the decision to adopt. I found myself holding back tears as I expressed my heart (with him, I hold very little back. Part of the joy of siblings) and desire to adopt. I poured out how we could say no, we could ignore the tug on our hearts to bring a child into our home; one without a mommy or daddy, one that left could potentially fall into the system (or lack thereof in Haiti.) but I can't ignore that tug. To the average American it may seem silly to take a step like this. The way our family stands right now we could live the "American dream." We could plan fun summer vacations to the beach and pour every penny into our two children to ensure they would have wonderful opportunities and get the very best future. We could do that for them. But we don't want to (sorry, kids) We can't ignore the tug on our hearts to leave that desire behind (because, really, it won't fulfill.) and choose to change our family dynamic and culture and adopt a little one into our family in the very same way we were adopted by Jesus. If we're called to deny everything to follow Christ, then what would hold us back? I used to think that meant full time overseas missions work, but that might not have been what Jesus had for us (yet) but this, this is. And we're willing to take the risk, even if that means that "typical American dream" life is forgotten and left behind. It's worth it. They're worth it. Our little one, wherever she is, is worth it. And we're going to chase this call and see where Jesus takes us.
I'm nearly finished with a book called Adopted For Life by Russell D Moore. It's been such an eye opener for me and really revealed God's heart for adoption and how we're really not that different than those children who lacked attachment when they were born and perhaps spent those first crucial developmental years in an orphanage rather than sleeping next to their mommy's and daddy's. Before Jesus we were also alone and without attachment and He still chose us and accepted us just as His own.
So, all that to say, if you think of it. Could you pray with us for our home study visit tomorrow?